Satan sat in his iron chair absent-mindedly ran his finger along the spout of an old oil lamp, waiting for his next soul to come in and speak with him. He’d had this idea for a while, and was relatively excited for the opportunity to put it to use. As the door opened and a floating wisp entered, Satan rose to greet him.
“Hey! Steve! Come in, come in. I’d shake your hands but you haven’t earned those yet.” The Devil was all smiles, and the wisp gave an exaggerated sigh. As the wisp floated over to the other side of the desk, the Devil lowered himself into his chair and started right in to his sales pitch.
“Alright Steve, here’s the deal. You get phenomenal cosmic power, help people succeed in the real world, and get to see the Earth from time to time. How does that sound?” Satan smiled a friendly smile, and leaned back in his chair holding the oil lamp.
“That sounds amazing… but what’s the catch?” The wisp radiated suspicion, something Satan never really could understand. How could a ball of light be so nervous?
“Well, for one you have to be trapped in this here lamp. I will create thousands like it, and put them up for sale in stores all over the world. One of those lamps, yours, when rubbed will release you. That person gets three wishes, then you go back in the lamp.”
“And this benefits you… how?” Steve mentally raised an eyebrow.
“Well, those people that release you are forever after bound to me.” Satan leaned back, waiting for an answer. It really was a clever plan, if he said so himself. Nobody could resist that temptation, and once word spread there would be people just clamoring to get taken to hell for their worldly desires.
“Do I get to choose my appearance?”
“Of course.”
“Any limitations?”
“You can’t raise the dead, and you can’t affect affairs in Hell or Heaven.”
“Done.” Steve was excited. He knew how this would go. He would spend eternity trying to convince people to use just one of their wishes to let him go. He was sure that at least one person would go for it, and then he would have phenomenal cosmic power and be free to roam the Earth. He rose slightly in the air and moved over the desk, examining the lamp from up close. It would be his home for at least a few hundred years. As he entered the lamp, Satan place the lid on it and set it back down on the desk for a second before pausing to stare at it.
“Oh, and Steve? I forgot one thing.” Steve rose out of the mouth of the lamp, a small blue person with shackles on his arms. He raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
“There is one more limitation. You can’t be freed from this lamp, by wishes or any other power.” The smile on Satan’s face was infuriating to Steve, who tried to rise out and strike the Devil. Before he could reach him, the lamp was teleported to a bazaar which Steve assumed to be somewhere in Egypt. As a greasy American traveler lifted up the lamp, Steve’s mind could only come up with one reaction.
Well, fuck.
MrZakGuy 