Clumsy

I find it odd how sometimes, I am skilled. I am accomplished. I’ve made something, whether it be food, code, a smile, a moment. My heart swells, and I feel complete.

It doesn’t come too often. But maybe I’m a half-glass-empty kind of guy.

My natural state is bumbling about, failing left and right and somehow pulling a functional human being out of it. I forget. I lose things. I break things. And life somehow goes on. Maybe it’s a side effect of being human; those moments of clarity only come occasionally. The natural state is failure, and success occasionally rises like a phoenix from the ashes.

I look at all I’m blessed to have. I have a house. I have a beautiful fiancee. I have a dog, a car, a stable job. I can cook a pie like nobody’s business. My life is pretty good. Not perfect, but close. And yet, that failure nags.

Sometimes, it’s easy. Sometimes it’s hard. I suppose, not matter my mental state, the results speak for themselves. Comparing what I am to what I used to be, I see the progress.

I just need to keep that in mind.